For my friend – Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

Fibromyalgia awareness day.
This is how I felt and sometimes still feel.
My Fibro

This sharp, dull and gnawing pain has no set time to visit, doesn’t know when its time to leave.

The burning in my muscles never seems to ease

It wakes me in the morning ,the throbbing brings me to my knees.
Some days it just a gentle hug or touch meant to comfort, because you care,

I did not mean to give you such a nasty ugly stare.
I thought I told you today that my body is such a mess, all I want to do is lay down on the couch and rest.
I could not sleep last night nor the night before. I don’t know if its the pain keeping me awake for my mind will not ease, I am so tired, my God all I need is to sleep.

No matter how much sleep I do get, I am to tired, so my list of things to do today,will just have to wait for another morning.
I am having some difficulty remembering, my mind cant concentrate..

I once was a great multi task-er, now I have problems just spelling taskmaster.
My head is starting to pound, a migraine is on its way. I don’t have time for this head ache Oh dear god take it away,
My ears are itching terribly, the buzzing noise seems so loud.

It makes me dizzy and clumsy, I keep having to pick myself off the ground.
My hair hurts today, I know that’s a funny thing to say.

Don’t know why it happens, but my head itches all the day.
My lower teeth are aching.. One big tooth ache that will not go away.

My face is so tender I think the pain in my jaw is here to stay.
My hips start to hurt after, too long time sitting in this seat.

Stiffness sets in, numbness and tingling controls my legs, and feet.
Have to walk fast, the bathroom is just a couple feet from that door,

If I don’t make it, there will be pee peek* on the floor.
My stomach is bloated, no matter what I drink or eat.. Constipation alternating with diarrhea sometimes a bathroom is sought with defeat.
I have a sensitivity to odors, loud noise and bright lights.

I hope the weather stays warm out,not to hot or cold, its got to be just right.

My body will start to flare up and will last through out the night.
I look in the mirror and see I have gain a lot of weight.

Everyone tells me, I would feel better if I exercise, and I will sleep better at night..

I am sure they are right.
I have motrine, flexeral,percocet and ambien too

I am sure after I exercise the pain will go with you
Numbness and tingling in the arms and my hands.

I rest them on pillows instead of my bed.

My forearms are burning with the slightest touch.
My mind has thrown two daggers into my shoulders.

Making way for my wings, when I reach heaven above.
My chest is heavy, feels like someone is sitting on it and breaking my ribs.

My stomach is full of ulcers, at least that is what the doctor said.

I eat tums and drink pepto with a piece of bread.
Cymbalta, and Lyrica I have tried them too,

but the side effect of weight gain and shortness of breath, would event scare you.
Coming off Lyrica, dont stop it right away,

My pain was so intense, the hot flashes are bad.

It took me a month or so not to feel so sad.
I am trying Savella, giving it a shot

Adding to the rest of the medication, why not.
I have good days, bad days and worst days too.

Sometimes the days turn into weeks, I just don’t know what to do.
I was raised in a middle class family, the middle kid out of seven.

My life fell apart when my dad went to heaven.
I was strong, and worked hard for what I have,

Gave birth to two beautiful daughters who are just like their dad.
I served in the military for 35 years, until I was retired on a medical

because no one can find a cure, so my boss gave me a metal, he said I would be ok, he was so sure.
I have no job, no money and have to fight for my benefits.

Unemployment, social security disability and my federal retirement, just to mention a few

Cant touch my IRA, I am to young for that too.
The first doctor said it is all in your head, your anxiety is high you, must be depressed.

I told him I was sick and something was wrong. He did a bunch of test ,from my head to my toes, He said maybe its a virus or the flu but nothing is wrong.
Months went by and I was still sick

Went to the ER because I thought that this was it. The end of my life with chest pains that would not quit.
Cardio doctor said I am fine, so a Rheumatologist said he was next in line.
You have Fibromyalgia its not a disease and there is no cure.

But I will help the pain to ease.
I will try anything the doctors give me and give it some time.

I would event let them test me and be their guinea pig

I would love to see the government give the researcher more then a dime.
My friends are few these days, because they just don’t understand.

They tell me It’s a made up syndrome, its all in your head.

you have always been the strong one, so it cant be that bad.

I would like to see them live, in my body for just one day.

Lets see if they will not stay in my bed.
Sometime, I feel so lonely,

and that nobody cares….

I have six wonderful sisters and a brother too,

Two loving daughters and a husband who do.
I will not be lonely they will always will be here for me

Because I have this syndrome and its just not fare you see !
Annette Louise Vargo Fay

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bettylouise31
    May 12, 2016 @ 15:00:53

    I know the feeling.


  2. Camie
    May 12, 2016 @ 17:49:38

    So sad but very real. We all need to be understanding.


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